Sudden Death - New Jersey Lifestyle lyrics

{*a parody of Fat Joe's song "My Lifestyle"*}

[Tom Rockwell]

Uhh.. yeah.. Jersey baby!

Welcome to Jersey, ya heard?

Yeah, uh!

Can't even pump your own gas here!

Yo.. yeah, yeah, yo

[Verse One: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death]

I live alone in the armpit, of the nation

In the state with the densest population

The Garden State, where the gardener wrecks it

I tell people where I live by the exit

Joisey, where hygene's secondary

If the locals ever saw a real book they'd commit Hari Kari

Neon glow car, chain around the license plate

Two inches off of the ground, it's like a rollerskate

Me and my neighbors play a game whenever we're at

Baskin Robbins, seein who can count the most flavors

Aiyyo, if you're lookin for class you're outta luck

The state symbol is Calvin, urinating on a Ford truck

Muscle shirts are considered formal attire

My neighbor's hobby is to sit for hours watchin the drier

And at the strip club, is the Bride of Frankenstein

With a back so hairy that it's a crime

Before you visit that park you best be insured

Everyone I know has come back severely injured

Don't look at me cause it's out of my control

People disappear for years in our massive pot holes, whoa!

[Chorus - repeat 2X]

Y'all wanna live my lifestyle

Never had a job, never seen a dentist

Wanna hang with the boys, go to Wal*Mart

Visit me and I'ma show you inbred

[Verse Two: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death]

At least half the state, has major brain damage

You can get the same replies talkin to a ham sandwich

My next door neighbor, only bathes on a Friday

But every single day he uses soap to wash his driveway

That's why the first week in July as we speak

Is "National Be Nice to New Jersey Week"

God help you if you wanna turn left, you'd have to be deft

Usually you have to make three rights to go left

And get this, if you take the folks on my street

and add 'em up, maybe you could get a full set of teeth

You wouldn't believe, but one of 'em forgot how to breathe

So much hair in their nose you could make your own weave

It's a last resort, where chickens can be child support

And driving is a contact sport

It's where malls are considered a shrine

I've lived here for three years, I'm fittin in just fine

It's a place where kids play the game Name Those Scents

Where all the garbage gets recycled into lawn ornaments

Yeah all the freaks in my town all belong in the pound

Even Smokey the Bear said go 'head, burn it down, go on!

[Chorus]