Sudden Death - Bowel Movement lyrics

(parody of "Move The Crowd" by Eric B. and Rakim)

Standing in my bedroom suddenly I had this

Feeling like I ate an anvil and had to pass it

So I just can't stand around

So I start running and the faster I run the harder it pounds

I break down the bathroom door, drop my drawers to the floor

Was pushing so hard that my teeth were sore

The veins are bulging out of my head

And I'm thinking out loud to myself and I said

How can I move my bowels?

First of all, I better get more paper towels

It's the distruction of my bathroom

I'm constipated, a disaster

So I start poppin' ExLax like M&Ms

I put the dog outside and warned all my friends

Is this the most that I can eat?

'Cause if not, I may have to wait another week

But don't make me wait too long 'cause it's been at least a month

Since I was last on the john

So I open the lid and grumble and growl

'Cause I got to move my bowels

Imagine me with a leak like the Exxon Valdeez

It's the smell that's making me wheeze

A garden hose doesn't have this much power

I'm splashing so much it sounds like I'm in the shower

My lower intestines, they growl like a jaguar

Everything inside falls out like Niagara

Polluting the air is so much fun

Now I'm on the john, the neighborhood is on the run

For those that know me I often blow their mind

Because they know I go for days at a time

I've seen magicians who can pull hankerchiefs out their hand

But can they pull out toilet paper like I can?

It's an incredible size, doesn't fit through my thighs

And it's burning my eyes and attracting the flies

But I'm-a keep going till the EPA calls out

My butt producing lots of nuclear fallout

With odor itself there's nothing I can't melt

For miles around the vibrations are felt

This is dangerous stuff it's not a bluff it's been proven

Indeed I think I need to make my bowels keep moving