Suburban Legends - Desperate lyrics

What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm in a band, ladies can't you see

Please don't judge me by the car that I drive

Or the fact that I haven't had a date since '95

Come on, don't go away

Don't listen to your friends when they that I am gay

I try so hard but I just can't get no play

Don't have any STDs

Come on, I'm begging on my knees

Come on get close just ignore the fleas

We will take anything that walks . . .

Because we're desperate

I know I'm not a handsome man

Cuz I look like an ogre with a farmer's tan

And every time the ladies see me and I'm walking their way

They say, "Brian smells, everybody stay away"

Oh ladies, can't you see

I can't help it because I'm ugly

But I'm in a band, don't that count for something

Come on now, don't delay

Cuz if you don't call then I'll probably rent-a-date

And my tab keeps rising, cuz I do it every day

Oh ladies, can't you see

I'm in a band, why aren't you attracted to me?

I don't care if you're underage

Just as long as you'll be seen with me in a public place

What's it gonna take? (What's it gonna take?)

For you help me bake cookies?

Doo-wah-doo

Cuz I need to know

I'm all hot and ready

And I got to go . . .

Because we're desperate

Why oh why must I have this rash

No girls talk to me they just step back

Should I lift weights? Would that make me more sexual?

Maybe wear glasses would that make me intellectual?

Come on lets do it fast

Cuz I'm all hot and ready and it just wont last

And I got 20 dollars what can I get for that?