Ray Stevens - Juanita And The Kids guitar chord

Juanita and the Kids

written by C.W. Kalb, Jr., and Lonnie Carneal

from the album "#1 With a Bullet"

tabbed 9/8/05

INTRO: C F

C

I got a letter from the IRS

F

Inviting me to be their guest

C G

At an audit they were conducting just for me

C

They said no need to worry, probably nothing wrong

F

Just bring your wife and your children along

C G C

We just need to clear up a small technicality

C

Now the only problem with an audit is

F

My wife Juanita and our 14 kids

C G

Friends you cannot believe the refunds they have been worth

C

But it was years ago that I got this idea

F

When I bought Juanita thru the mail from Korea

C G C

She's an inflatable doll, but she came with a certificate of birth

G

I was a single guy without any deductions

C

So I claimed Juanita and what a reduction

F G

I received with her as my spouse on the taxes I pay

C

That worked so well that every year after that

F

I reported a birth when I paid my tax

C G C

Each kid certified by Cabbage Patch USA

CHORUS:

C

Oh Juanita (Juanita)

F

My inflatable senorita

C G

The IRS wants to take you and the children away (away-ay-ay-ay)

C

You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt

F

Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt

C G C

Jan and Dean, Irlene, Louise, Barbara and little Ray (little Ray)

F C

C

So I dressed Juanita like the perfect mother

F

Velcro'd the children to one another

C G

And when we walked into that audit those people nearly flipped their lids

C

I said Juanita might lay around and never cook

F

And the children don't clean their rooms and never crack a book

C G C

But hey they ain't no different from my brother's wife and kids

G

And I got social security cards here for every one

C

My wife, my daughters and all of my sons

F G

All offically issued by the government of the USA

C

So before you call me down to muster

F

Somebody here better think twice buster

C G C

Do you really wanna be the one to accuse the government of making a big mistake

CHORUS:

C

Oh Juanita (Juanita)

F

My C-oh-2 senorita

C G

The IRS wants to take you and the children away (away-ay-ay-ay)

C

You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt

F

Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt

C G C

Jan and Dean, Irlene, Louise, Barbara and little Ray (little Ray)

BRIDGE:

G

That agent sat there his mouth agape

G

Thinking over that government mistake

G C

And how his civil service career could be at its end

And then he reached for his stamp that said approved

F

And said hope the kids do better next year and school

C G C

And why don't you and the missus drop by and say hello now and then

CHORUS:

C

Oh Juanita (Juanita)

F

My inflatable senorita

C G

Looks like you and the kids all get to stay (stay-ay-ay-ay)

C

What's that honey, you need to get home quick?

F

You say you started feelin' a little sick?

C G C

And you think you might once again be in a family way?

C F

What's that? You think it might be triplets this time?

C

Juanita, you are a wonder!

G C

Do what? Why, of course we can support your mother!

G C

I even think her moving expenses are deductible too.

F/

Does she still live in Bangkok?