Kate Miller-Heidke - Australian Idol lyrics

I was having a bad week

I crashed the car and the cat carked it

Weighted myself outside Woolies

And I'd put on four kilos

Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee

I poured my heart out, told her all about

Poor dead fluffy and the bloody car

And did she think I should go on a diet?

She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say

Just the right blend of empathy and advice

(She took a big breath) and looked into my eyes and she said:

You should go on Australian Idol

Even if you don't win, you'll have a great time

Don't worry that you don't look like a supermodel

They're even letting fatties on there now, so you should be fine

I said: thanks, I feel a lot better now

Then I erased her number from my phone

I didn't know how much we'd grown apart

The very next day was my birthday

No one called, except my grandma

And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub

Then that Sunday night I went to dinner with my rallies

They said: Happy Birthday, do you mind if we put the TV on?

It's nearly the final of Australian Idol and

You should go on Australian Idol

You're much prettier than her, she looks like a pudding

You'll win it, no worries, love, said my uncle

And I just turn and look at him like he was something that I stood in

And don't get me wrong, if I turn on the TV and it's on

I can't stop watching, even with the ads

Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs

I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered

I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions

I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters

And I love when I eat my dinner

They're crying in their 5-star hotel

And I'm cackling on my cack-brown counch

And It's not that I'm jealous, I'm not jealous, I'm not jealous

The next sunday I had a pretty bad hangover

Feeling pretty grumpy

Sitting on the counch, eating Pringles, feeling sorry for myself

I flipped to Channel 10 and before I knew it, I was watching a really short guy

Singing that really annoying song by Craig David

Suddenly I rose to my feet, it must have been divine intervention

I saw the light in front of me and I screamed

Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God)

Am I really reduced to this pityful state? (Jesus)

I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar

Or better, still just change to SBS

You better believe it, I changed to SBS

So Marcia, Dicko, what ever your name is

Shove it up your ass

Shove it up, shove it up

Shove it up, shove it up

Shove it up, shove it up