Guttermouth - Jamie’s Petting Zoo lyrics

I've had my pet<br>Since I was nine years old<br>I loved him and fed him<br>But one day he attacked<br>I knew he didn't love me back<br>So I grabbed him like a football<br>And punted fifty yards<br><br>Now I hate pets<br>Take yourself to the vet<br>Now I hate pets<br>Dolphins trapped in little nets<br>Now I hate pets<br>You little fucking<br>Screaming shit-bag<br>I should of let your mother<br>Eat you, little fucker<br><br>So I got a little birdy<br>And I trained it everyday<br>He knew 1000 words<br>But then he flew away<br>But then I got him back<br>The fucker wouldn't shut his trap<br>So I took him to the bathroom<br>And rubbed his beak in shit<br><br>Now I hate pets<br>Spotted owls in their nests<br>Now I hate pets<br>Bagged a deer and made a vest<br>Now I hate pets<br>Birds and bees and bears and bison<br>Pigs and parrots and pandas<br>I fucking hate them all!!!<br><br>I was walking through the park<br>When a snake peered from his hole<br>A perfect opportunity<br>To take the bastard home<br>I chopped his fucking head off<br>With my handy garden hoe<br>And made a lovely hat-band<br>For my redneck cousin bo, heee-haaw!<br><br>Now I hate pets<br>10,000 volts to the chest<br>Now I hate pets<br>Fed my cat some cigarettes<br>Now I hate pets<br>You little fucking<br>Screaming shit-bag<br>Bastard<br>Fuck you, you<br>Fucking pig-shit licker, fuck!!!!!!