Cheryl Wheeler - On the Plane lyrics

You will need to arrive at a quarter to five

If your plane is departing at ten

When you called for a seat, we advised you to meet

At the gate and we'd let you know then.

The seats are so teeny you'll sit like Houdini

Be quiet and listen to this

If we should fall in a fiery ball

Kiss your own ass good-bye, then your kids.

On the plane, on the plane

You will do exactly as we say

You'll remain in your seat

With your bags at your feet

Till the speech is complete on the plane.

If we sit on the runway from now until Monday

Well, all we can say is "too bad"

Up front there's free liquor and they get there quicker

So those folks are not quite as mad.

You've paid your dinero, this movie's just fair

Oh, but here comes the part that's so good

Then the pilot will cut in; "We can't see Cleveland

But if it weren't cloudy, we could."

On the plane all is well

Just think of it as practicing for hell

I'm in five, you're in four

You lean back anymore

you'll be shoved out the door of the plane.

We are not responsible for...anything

And everything can go wrong

We really don't know where we'll go or when

And you may never see your bags again

Such a shame, on the plane.

Your carry on stuff has to fit in this box

If it doesn't and you make us wait

You'll be pulled from the line with a hook from behind

And then beaten and shot at the gate.

The air that you're breathing's been re-circulating

Since Orville and Wilbur were boys

If you should choke, here's a thimble of coke

You do realize that coughing annoys?

On the plane, on the plane

People are we perfectly insane

The skies are not so friendly

Delta isn't ready

I prefer the bus

USAIR begins with US

It's truly torturous

On the plane...on the plane.