Camille West - Toe To Toe With The Hmo lyrics

I have this problem with my toe

And so I call my HMO

With a referral from

My primary care physician

They say my call matters to them

They’re like an old and trusted friend

Except friends don’t make you ask

Them for permission

The recording on the phone

Says Leave a message at the tone

Tell us your name, your age,

Your reason for submission

So I describe my nail ingrown,

Wax poetic on the phone

This is a metaphor

For the whole human condition

Tender

Sensitive

Painful

And now I’m listening to Brahms

(music to keep the caller calm),

Starting to see things from

The stockholder’s perspective

Should I stop thinking of myself

While they are managing my health?

While an accountant finds a treatment

That’s cost-effective

Hallelujah, I rejoice!

Is this a living human voice

talking to me

Like I’m a sweet, annoying female

I plead my best bureaucratese

I would be down upon my knees

‘Cept I’d be leaning

on this poor, throbbing toenail

Painful

Purple

Festering

As for my coverage, they say no

This is a pre-existing toe

My policy excludes

All things pre-existing

So if I want the claim approved

The toe will have to be removed

Which they believe may keep

The problem from persisting

This makes my doctor quite irate

Why should he have to amputate?

In his opinion this condition could

Be better handled

And as for me—I don’t nkow

I’d kinda like to keep the toe

I spent a fortune on these

Gorgeous Gucci sandals

Sexy

Size 6

Retail

I have been waiting patiently

Why aren’t you listening to me?

Can't you see that it's

Trying my endurance

I’m only asking to be heard

Hostage is such an ugly word

I would much prefer

Living Health Insurance

I want the orthopedic shoe

I want the Prozac® approved, too

Managed care is managing

To make me hostile

You've put me off far too long

I'll fix your ass; I'll write a song

About a nine-toed woman

Who goes postal

Crazy

Uzi

Bell tower