Adam Sandler - The Goat Song lyrics

Performed by adam sandler, allen covert, jon rosenburg, and mike thompson<br><br>I am a simple goat<br>I live on the back of a pick-up truck<br>The old man tied me here with a 3-foot rope<br>Am I happy he don't give a fuck<br>He's filled with anger, and filled with rage<br><br>And tells me I smell like piss<br>His drink, jimmy bean<br>His chaser, a bear<br>After that, various alcohols<br>That's when the beatings get so severe<br><br>Asleep I pray he falls<br>But don't feel sorry for me<br>Things weren't always this bad<br>Why, when I was a young talking goat<br>The old man was just like my dad<br><br>I come from the hills of europe<br>That's where I met the old man<br>He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions<br>He gave me a tuna can<br><br>Then he stopped in his tracks<br>And he said, hey goat!<br>Would you like to live with me? <br>I've got a house with a pick-up truck<br>In a place across the sea<br>I said, sure, why not, I've got no family<br>You seem like a nice guy<br><br>So we went off to america<br>The home of the apple pie<br>On the boat, the old man told me<br>I would be a present for his wife<br>A talking goat! he exclaimed,<br>She'd never seen this in her life<br>I felt so special!<br><br>Well, I just couldn't believe it<br>After all theses years I finally had a friend<br>He trimmed my beard<br>He scraped my hooves<br>I prayed it would never end<br><br>But when we got to his house<br>There was no wife<br>Only a short, short letter<br>It said: I'm leaving you for your broher<br>Because he fucks me better<br>His eyes filled with tears of sadness<br>His heart was filled with grief<br><br>To soothe himself he drank a pint of old granddad<br>And beat me like a side of beef<br>I screamed, send me back to the hills of europe!<br>He just shook his head and said, nope!<br>No one will ever leave me again<br>To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope.<br><br>Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years<br>My only friend is the am radio<br>Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by<br>But it's always rocks and beer bottles they throw<br><br>At first they're excited to see a talking goat<br>They gather around to hear what I have to say<br>But I guess sometimes my stories go ont too long<br>So they leave and giggle I need a bidet<br><br>But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck<br>When the old man was passed out drunk<br>Three neightborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concert<br>The kind of music, old-school funk<br>It was the first time I got off the truck<br>The music made me lose control<br><br>The lead singer asked if we were having fun<br>I said, fucking crank that rock 'n roll!<br>The women at the show were beautiful<br>As they danced sexily on the soft grass<br>One of them even petted my fur<br>Fuck me in the goat-ass!<br><br>Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns<br>And threw me in the mosh pit<br>They passed me around and treated me nie<br>Till I nerviously sprayed them with shit<br>Then the music stopped<br>And everything was quite<br>And all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riot<br><br>Kill the goat!<br>Kill the goat!<br>Kill the goat!<br>Kill the goat!<br><br>They chased me under the bleachers<br>They chased me onto the street<br>They chased me into an alley<br>And said I was a dead fucking goat meat<br>But then I saw a sight<br>That I never thought I'd see<br><br>The old man swinging his hickory stick<br>But he wasn't swinging at me<br>Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys!<br>Don't you press your luck!<br><br>The long hairs ran away screaming<br>As I scrambled onto the truck<br>When we got home, the old man said,<br>Goat, you broke the sacred law<br>No! please! sorry! shit!<br>I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again<br>I'll break your fucking jaw!<br>Super! great! okay!<br><br>Thank you old man, for saving my life<br>Thank you again and again<br>You could have let them barbeque me,<br>But you acted like a friend<br><br>I'm not your friend, I don't even like you<br>I'm just not drunk, he said<br>To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol<br>And beat the fucking shit out of my tailbone<br>And I'll probably never walk straight again<br><br>I guess you'd call me a scapegoat<br>A punching bag for the old man to mock<br>Just because his wife left him<br>For his brother's abnormally large cock<br><br>He could have been my buddy<br>But instead he's a crazy old fuck<br>And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home<br>The back of the pick-up truck<br><br>Goodnight, old man!<br>Yeah, goodnight goat!