Adam Kay & Suman Biswas - The Menstrual Rag lyrics

Once a month your girl's upset

She goes to Boots to buy Lilets

It happens every 28 days,

When she's in her Luteal phase.

All she does in moan and nag,

You go five days without a shag

There's no cunnilingus

You can only use your fingers

When she's using a menstrual rag.

For the week or two proceeding

The days your other half is bleeding,

The moody bitch is in a stress

Complaining about PMS and,

When her womb has started sluffin,

You won't be eatin any muffin,

Two, four, six, eight,

Come on girls, lets menstruate.

Heavy flow or gentle spotting,

Running down her legs or clotting

All that lining that she sheds leaves

Nasty patches on your bedsheets.

Just don't waste your efforts pleading

You won't be shagging when she's bleeding

The Methenamic acid means you might as well be flaccid

When she's using a menstrual rag.

It's hard to be all that devoted

When she is looking fat and bloated

From all the water she's retaining,

While her pants have nasty staining.

You won't be doing any groping

When she's losing haemoglobin,

Two, four, six, eight,

Come on girls, lets menstruate.

Get those Bodyforms with wings,

and grab your Tampax by the strings,

and TENA lady's sanitary pads,

come on boys you've seen the ads.

This dance is sweeping through the nation,

Here's three cheers for menstruation,

Its the latest craze

Every 28 days

They're all using a menstrual,

Using a menstrual rag.